On the Male Gaze
general reflections after a stroll through the NYC streets
if you know me, i’m an unapologetic selfie person. no matter the circumstance, i love taking pictures of my face in all its forms.
contrary to what some may think, i do this from a place of self-love and abundance. as someone who isn’t deemed outright attractive by our capitalist, heteronormative, white supremacist society, i’ve had to grow this love for myself for YEARS in order to reach this place of calm confidence and acceptance.
however lately, i’ve been grappling with this behavior especially around its proximity to the male gaze. bear with me, i’m going somewhere with this . . .
this term the male gaze was coined by the feminist film theorist Laura Mulvey in her 1973 essay “Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema" and it references how women are depicted as sexual objects for the pleasure of the heterosexual male viewer in cinema. but over the years, other intellectuals and thinkers have used the term in other theories for literature and the visual arts because this behavior is so pervasive in our Western-centric society.
the saddest part is it’s an innate condition of our everyday.
we’ve all interacted with the social structure and expectations of the male gaze — upholding suffocating beauty standards to attract hetero-men’s approval, judging others’ physical appearances cause it seemed different, and much more. it’s a social conditioning that’s unconscious and requires continuous unlearning from all angles.
as someone still new to her unlearning journey (since 2019), my consciousness of this condition has made me be retroactive about my physical appearance, choice in romantic partners, inner vs. expressive sensuality, and overall the roles desirability plays in my life.
most poignantly, i’m actively asking myself — “am i unconsciously searching for the gratification of the male gaze in my selfie posts? what does desirability on my own terms look like and with whom?”
there’s no right or wrong answer, so no personal answer will be shared. but i wanted to let those questions sit with you and also share some more nuggets on this topic. it’s just some food for thought, so enjoy!
—Tenny xxx
p.s. i’m bumping this series up to a weekly basis, starting next week.
things to read
Art that looks at what women see | article by NY Times
Buying myself back | essay by Emily Ratajkowski in The Cut
The oppositional gaze: Black female spectators | chapter in bell hooks’ Black Looks: Race and Representation
Not here to make friends | essay by Roxane Gay in Buzzfeed
“Male Gaze” list | book thread from Goodreads on books to aka avoid / understand how the male gaze comes through in literature
multimedia to consume
Women in hip-hop push back against the male gaze | episode from the podcast Code Switch
tv shows & movies with complex women characters to watch
I May Destroy You by the comedian, writer, and actress Michaela Coel
Fleabag by playwright Phoebe Waller-Bridge
High Fidelity, the 2020 tv series . . . not the movie
Princess Mononoke, a Studio Ghibli classic
Gone Girl, move & book if you have time
Persepolis, recommend the graphic novel too!
Atlanta, especially S3’s “Tarrare” episode about Van
Danielle Pender on Modern Womenhood | episode from the podcast Deep Reads
some tiktoks cause ya girl is here for itttt
